It is to be aware of the never-ending quest of how, why, and when. How it happened, why her, when will it end?

It is to be aware of wanting to do so much to help prevent it as much as you can, and yet completely clueless where to start.

It is to be aware of being completely confident it will go away one day, and yet hopeless the next.

It is to be aware of all the bureaucracy that comes from having a child with special needs (forms to be filled, school systems to battle, innumerous IEP meetings to attend, etc).

It is to be aware of approaching other autism moms and ask so many questions where to go, who to talk to, what to do.

It is to be aware of being sensitive to what parents of neurotypicals think of mainstreaming special needs kids.

It is to be aware of having some family and/or friends question what you did wrong, how you are as a parent, what you can do more, etc.

It is to be aware of not knowing when and who to talk to about it, being afraid where to start, and then become unstoppable once started, and then unsure where to end.

It is to be aware of being numb to irrational crying, constantly repeating a word for your child to speak it, and constantly praying she will speak one day.

It is to be aware of the utter joy I feel everytime my child communicates the need to potty.

It is to be aware of having your child 25 hours in school, then 20 hours of in-home therapy every week.

It is to be aware of constantly figuring out why she is upset, and how frustrating it really is for me as her mom.

It is to be aware of how challenging it is to understand how they think, and yet how incredible their minds really are.

It is to be aware of the sheer miracle and absolute magic they truly are.

It is to be aware of witnessing love does exist even without words.

“And be not conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind that you may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.” Romans 12:2

Today marks the 10th month I found out I am here to make sure my daughter’s voice be heard. Because although she is labeled as “autistic”, she is as capable of contributing to this society as anybody else is, possibly more than neurotypicals can.

Today marks the 10th month of hearing my daughter is different. But most definitely not less.